The Cult of Speed

 

This was straight up, f*cked up bad. This sh*t made no sense. And Sybarite Xhosha had the privilege of explaining it. Explaining the utter massacre that took place. How the f*ck could it have happened? What were the chances of Orcs casually passing by the Errefin system on their way to Tinles IV. And how did they move so f*cking fast? Apparently the Orcs found out about the conflict there and wanted to join in on the mayhem. They were unusually late though. The battle of Tinles IV had already happened several months ago. Xhosha wanted to believe that the warp slowed them down, but he knew that wasn't the case. If Orcs were good at one thing (and they were only good at one thing), it was making automations of junk that worked unusually well. Xhosha remembered hearing about the rumors at Armaggedon. The Imperium appeared to pay a lot of attention to that sector, so chances were that they were neglecting others. Most Kabals were preparing to find out just how much they were neglecting everything else. Back to the matter at hand, Xhosha had to face his most esteemed Jade Emperor to explain how Shaka the Great, the greatest warrior and Archon of the Liquid Sword, was killed in battle by Orcs. The fastest Orcs he had ever seen.

J.E.: I'm almost afraid to ask. I'm seriously pissed, and I plan to take it out on someone. Depending on how you answer, I won't take it out on you. I just know that you weren't the only one to survive whatever the f*ck happened, so start talking. Where is my army?

SX: Your mighty omnipotence. The Obsidian Knights were on patrol while we were preparing for invasion on Tinles IV. Edea reported seeing a couple of vehicles in the distance. The last report she made before communications were cut was that these couple of vehicles became an entire army out of nowhere. Her last reported words were, "No way, no f*cking way. I'm not seeing this sh--". By the time the first of us arrived to the battle, there were no more Obsidian Knights. There was just the remains of a blown up truck and a bunch of pissed off Orcs everywhere. It was utter madness. I am Eldar, and I've never seen anyone move that fast. They had the whole place locked down. Every time one of our units touched down, they were there to pick us off. It has been reported that the Zulu Knights would have been utterly humiliated if Archon and Master Jedi had not combined forces to take out the Nob. It was an altercation that Master Jedi survived, but Archon did not. It was utter madness my Lord.

J.E.: If they are so damn fast, how did you all escape with your pitiful lives?

SX: Basically, Sybarite Krull touched down on a mountain, assessed the situation, and then surrendered the entire army on behalf of Shaka.

J.E.: WHAT? He surrendered MY army?

SX: It turned out to be a magnificent gambit. Although the Warboss, whose name is Snagrott, demanded that we lay down our arms and accept the 'Cult of Speed' as our masters, somehow Krull convinced them that it would be more fun to stomp on humans. So they've joined up with us in a temporary alliance and have agreed to assist us in the invasion of Tinles IV.

J.E.:...................Okay.

SX: If I may be given permission to speak?

J.E: What is it?

SX: I would like to request on behalf of the other Sybarites that all squad leaders are included in debriefings and strategy sessions. Quite frankly, the Archon can't possibly see the entire battle, and we could offer our direct experience and expertise to assist your omnipotent Lordship.

J.E.: I don't have a problem with that. In the meantime, you are to return to Errefin with the Haemonculi. Make note to the others that I will no longer necessarily use my Scourges for heavy support. I think I would like to use them as an assault squad from time to time. I will also utilize troops as heavy support. I believe that this will throw everybody off.

SX: If I may comment my Lord, what do I tell the Scourges of Krull when they decide that they don't like my message?

J.E.: You will tell them that I run this Kabal. I'll do what f*cking please. If they have a problem with it, they haven't notified me. And I wouldn't care if they did. I don't know what made those moronic troops think that this was a democracy. They will make the greatest grotesques yet, in any event. Now go, and handle your business.

SX: To hear is to obey.